I am not a big fan of big book thumping AA members that are off to save the world. I am even less of a fan of celebrities that go out and carry AA hints and then they go off on some heroin binge that makes the recovery program look silly.
One of the traditions of AA is that we shall always remain anonymous at all levels of press, film and radio. Basically we don't need a celebrity endorsement. More because we don't need the celebrity to fail and then have the groups in general get a bad wrap.
This is why you won't find any articles or news stories of Mike Tyson's 3 years of sobriety. Or Brett Favre's 20 years. Or Alice Cooper's 30 years. Or Ozzy Osbourne's 25 years. It is not beneficial, because for every one of them there is a Lindsey Lohan that pimps herself for the good of only her.
But there has been great music that has come from people that have recovered that is very touching to this guy.
I know what I was and what I am. A lot of people do not know the depths of my addiction and alcoholism. It has taken 3 years to finally say the word addict when describing what I was and what I am. I never tried a mind altering substance that i disagreed with. I had my choice of product, but to say no was ludicrous.
I have 3 particular songs. The first is Stevie Ray Vaughn's Life by the Drop. This was the first song he recorded, and the only acoustic studio recording of his career, after he emerged from rehab. He had a bad a cocaine habit and like to drink. The riffs and the lyrics to this song just have a pain and suffering that you cannot fake. You cannot fake the aching that he sings. Running into those friends that you toasted 'to the end' and they are still going that route, and you are not. It is depressing when you run into these people. Like watching a loved one die...slowly...without their knowledge.
The next song is The High Cost of Living by Jamey Johnson. This song just explains the last few days...weeks...months of my party. 3 days straight was no big feet to get by on no food or sleep and crazy was becoming my new norm. I couldn't even tell i was alive. What is funny is how he talks about when god turned his back on him, and I can remember sitting there thinking why did he turn his back on me. What did I do wrong to earn this. Of course with my back up against that damn 8 ball I didn't have to think or talk or feel. I just never had the whore or the cops. But there was a bunch of yets that never came around.
The most powerful song that I have found about this topic is Social Distortion's Ball and Chain. I for years thought this song was about the daily grind of work and no play. Not about Heroin addiction.
Well it's been ten years and a thousand tears
And look at the mess I'm in
A broken nose and a broken heart,
An empty bottle of gin
Well I sit and I pray
In my broken down Chevrolet
While I'm singin' to myself
There's got to be another way
This opening is just another woe is me life is tough kind of lyric. I cannot remember how many times when there was nothing left to alter my conscience thinking and praying that there had to be a better way. Everything is fine. Broken nose and broken car are normal problems that I will overcome...
[Chorus:]
Take away, take away
Take away this ball and chain
Well I'm lonely and I'm tired
And I can't take any more pain
Take away, take away
Never to return again
Take away, take away
Take away
Take away this ball and chain
The next verse opens up the emotions in my Psyche.
Well I've searched and I've searched
To find the perfect life
A brand new car and a brand new suit
I even got me a little wife
But wherever I have gone
I was sure to find myself there
You can run all your life
But not go anywhere
This hits home. No matter how much I ran from my problems. No matter how hard I worked to show everyone that I was better than them. No matter the new car, home, clothes or job. I was always there. I was always there to bring me back to where i belong. I can run all my life and not go anywhere. I ran all of my life. Ran from here to there and never got anywhere. I never got anywhere until I stood still and let it all hit me.
[Chorus:]
Take away, take away
Take away this ball and chain
Well I'm sick and I'm tired
And I can't take any more pain
Take away, take away
Never to return again
Take away, take away
Take away
Take away this ball and chain
The chorus by now usually has me tearing up...
Well I'll pass the bar on the way
To my dingy hotel room
I spent all my money
I've been drinkin' since half past noon
Well I'll wake there in the mornin'
Or maybe in the county jail
Times are hard getting harder
I'm born to lose and destined to fail
In every addict alcoholics mind there is a time when you just give up. some get into recovery, some just quit life. After all it keeps getting harder and we are destined to fail. I love this song. I can listen to it over and over again. The lead singer wrote this after about 6 band members came and went and the band almost dissolved on new years eve one year when his addiction just made the show unbearable.These guys have been rocking for almost 30 years. I am 1 year older than them, and I am still mad that it took me 28 years to find them...
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"I for years thought this song was about the daily grind of work and no play. Not about Heroin addiction."
ReplyDeleteIt took me a long time to realize that Gold Dust Woman by Stevie Nicks was about cocaine. But it was one of those songs that was ever present during childhood so it doesn't really surprise me. There's another...but I can't recall it at the moment, a song that sounds to the untrained ear that it's just about lost love and tough times but then you listen more closely and realize what it means. But my sleep challenged brain can't think of it.
Alice Cooper has been sober for 30 years? Or was that just a frivolous example?
And so I can gather, you're probably not an Amy Winehouse fan? :^)