2013 is upon us...if the Mayans were wrong that is

So 2012 is just about over. What a year it has been. I set out the year to get healthier. I definitely have laid a good foundation for that. The holidays have added a few lbs to my girly physique, but once these crazy stupid retail hours are done my training will get back to normal. I started this year weighing just north of 360 pounds and as I type I am floating in the low 270's. I got down to 260 in October, but the hours and the food have taken their toll. I ran a few triathlons and started JiuJitsu. I had a bunch of teeth removed and I had a little proactive surgery on my...well urethral area. Nice. But my cholesterol and blood sugar and liver enzymes are super healthy. I also can say for the first time since I was about 13 that not a single nicotine product was put in my body for the entire year. 19 months for that one. I am feeling like a great foundation has been laid and in 2013 it will be stronger.

I have always started the year with hair brained ideas and goals. Write a book. Learn a language. Get a million dollars. Learn an instrument. All silly things that used to be fueled with alcohol filled New Year's Eve parties. Now I actually say down and made a list of things that I wanted to accomplish. I wanted 5 things, I wound up with 13.

1. I want to ride 2000 miles on my bike. I did about 800 last year and did that starting in March and really ending in September before my surgery.
2. 6 sprint triathlons. I have them scheduled up and ready.
3. 2 Olympic triathlons. I hope to be ready by the Clear Lake in mid August and the Houston at the end of September.
4. Weigh under 240 pounds. I have roughly 35 to go and that will be awesome.
5. Run 250 miles. I hate running. This will be very hard.
6. Read 2 books to becoming a better leader. I need that.
7. Read 2 books to becoming a better sales person. I don't need that.
8. Visit this blog and share twice a week. I do it in spurts. I want to get a little more regular.
9. Obtain 3 stripes in JiuJitsu. I know I am on the verge of the first one. I want this bad.
10. Return to church. Born catholic. Raised catholic. Schooled catholic. Confirmed catholic. I dearly want this back in my life. I don't know how I will measure this.
11. Tough Mudder. This is bizarre.
12. MS150 to Austin. A nice 184 mile bike ride in April.
13. Read the bible. Never done it. Gonna try.

I figure that if the Mayans don't ruin it on Friday that these 13 things will keep me super duper busy. Kennedy is going to run a kids tri in may. And I almost have Ashley convinced to do one in August. We will see.

Ian

Tippity tap tap taparoo...

This Brazilian Jiujitsu is very humbling. On Tuesday night i rolled with a higher level white belt.  He has been doing it for about a year and is a 4th degree white belt, his next step is blue.  He has a bit of a size advantage on me, maybe 10 lbs.  Within 15 minutes i had tapped out 4 times, 4 different submissions put on me.  Each time the tap was harder to do, I am guessing that is a pride thing.  Frustration sets in because you either tap out, or in 2 of those submissions i pass out, and the other two I am in the ER with some surgery coming my way.

The things he kept telling me to do is slow down, be methodical, abandon a move it is not working and breathe.  Sounds simple enough.

So Thursday morning's class is fine, we really do not roll in the morning class.  We have less time since we all have to go to work.  But I got a chance to roll with a few blue belts and i am like a sponge at this point.  I have no bad habits, I don't watch this on tv, I have no formal training.  So after about 20 minutes and a few more tap outs I picked up a thing or two.

Last night was amazing.  I got to roll with a big fella, about 350 lbs.  He has been doing it since August.  He was heavy.  He new his stuff but i kept seeing where he was going with things and I was breathing and slowing it down.  I tried a few things and it didn't work and I did not continue to exhaust myself on that. He almost had me in an arm bar but I was able to slip out of it.  And then I had him.  I had a knee on his right bicep, isolating his arm.  Elbow pinned up under his chin pushing down on his throat.  And my left arm holding down his left hand.  And then it happened.  My right arm slipped up under his left bicep and gripped my left wrist.  and I pulled towards his ribcage with my right arm and lifted with my left arm.  And then I felt it.  His right hand on my calf slapping me.  I just made him tap out.  I survived 10 minutes. 

That was an amazing rush.  I am sore all over this morning from it.  even more sore because I just finished a leg, core and cardio workout.  But it is the best sore I have had in quite sometime.

Ian

Sore, sore, and did I mention SORE...

This Jiu Jitsu is just, how do they say it in Italy, Awesome.  But the side effects are a complete body soreness that I cannot quite explain.  The day started out this morning at 4:30.  I did not want to get out of my cozy bed.  I really wanted to press snooze like 400 times.  But alas, it is Thursday, and that means it is BJJ time.  So I crawl into the shower, knees aching, elbows sore, hands feeling arthritic and my jaw hurts.

My knees are always a little achy in the morning, but then I get moving and they feel good.  They feel a lot better than they did a year ago.

My elbows hurt because they keep getting bent the wrong way.

My hands are sore from having to have a constant firm grip on the person you are rolling with.

My jaw hurts from where a 270 pound man drove his knee into the side of my face to get leverage so he could bend my elbow backwards.

beyond the BJJ, I am still slowly training to take on the Lonestar Ironman in Galveston on April 7, 2013.  So far the only thing that I have missed with my workouts is 1 running session last week, and running hills yesterday.  I devised a workout grading system.  I have to mentally grade myself in many things that I do in order to know if I am doing them well.  So I have set a weeks worth of working out in a small notebook.  Each entry is worth 1 point.  So for this week Monday's workout was 17 activities.  Bench press, cable triceps, side ab cable, front plank, side plank, running plank, reach across, incline, rope triceps, shrugs, sit  ups, chest fly, overhead triceps, bench jumps and 3 5 minute sessions on the bike for 5 minutes in between sets.  I do each of those things in 3 sets, and do them in 5 exercise rotations.  I will ride the bike for 5 minutes, bench 12 reps, cable triceps each arm 12 times, side ab cable each side 12 times, plank forward for 30 seconds and do 15 reach across exercises.  Then I will repeat in 10 rep and then 8 rep increments.  Then when I finish the 3 sets, back on the bike for 5 minutes and head to the next cycle of 5 exercises.  I only rest about 10 seconds between each exercise so it as at an aerobic pace.

So 17 points are able to earned on Monday.  If I cannot finish or I do not do a set I lose a point.  I have 52 points to earn this week.  i have earned 34 so far.  So I have an average grade of a 65.

It is my system and it makes sense to me.

I figure that at the end of the week if I am in a 95% or better it was an extremely good week.  That is my goal from here on out is 95% or better.  I f I am running a 95% in the last week of January i am registering for the Lonestar Ironman.

Have a happy Thursday.

Ian

Election Night

I think i am just going to Secede.  That is all I will say about that.

My hip is sore.  My right shoulder is sore.  My left elbow is sore.  They are all sore like they have been hyper extended.  Oh, and I just noticed my right foot is sore also.

But what an awesome activity this Jiu Jitsu is.  I finished 2 classes today and rolled for my first time.  Rolling is the actual wrestling/grappling/fighting thing that we do.  I rolled with a couple of different partners of varying degrees.  This sport is very humbling.  Tapping out because you are beat is done voluntarily.  As long as you can take the pain and you are conscious you can keep going.  It is exhausting.

I did a great workout yesterday as well, and have a great workout planned tomorrow as well as some hill running planned. 

The hill running is like the bayous I used to run in high school football.  Down at George Bush Park there are some great big, steep and crazy hills trails, about 50 feet long or so at a 45-50 degree angle.  I just plan on doing them until I want to throw up.  That is usually the point that I know I should stop.

Then on Thursday I have a Jiu Jitsu class in the morning and the evening, then a traditional wrestling class in the evening as well.  That should be interesting.

I cannot wait until December when I can start working the bike back into the routine.  I already know that first ride back, planned to be about 25 miles, is going to absolutely hurt.

Happy Socialist day!!!

ian

I am still sore

Seriously.  It is Sunday.  It is 9:13 at night.  I have to start it all again tomorrow?  What the hell?

Jiu Jitsu is just an insane activity.  I swear that I almost threw up out of exhaustion on Thursday evening.  I have 5 sessions this week, and I hope I can make it all the way through.  I am going to mix some new runs in as well.  I am going to do some hill running.  I have a very steep hill at George Bush Park and I plan on just doing as many reps as I can this Wednesday and Friday.  That all along with 3 workout sessions and 1 traditional wrestling class, and come Saturday night I will be just about dead.

Now it is time to unwind with some walking dead since 4:50 is going to come really quick tomorrow morning.

24 weeks to go

24 weeks to go.  That is what I wrote on paper last night.  24 long, difficult, quit filled weeks to go.  Lot's of things are happening.  April 7 will be here so soon. 

April 7 is the Texas Ironman.  It isn't a full Ironman, that may or may come one day.  It is just a half Ironman.  70.3 miles of challenge.  168 days to ready myself for this kind of competition.

I came to the conclusion that this can be done.  I have done a lot in the last 10 months.  I have lost a lot of weight.  i pushed my way through a couple of small triathlons.  I showed myself that I can accomplish things that I previously thought were impossible.

So why not a 70.3 mile race?  I can think of so many reasons to not do it.  It is hard.  It will be painful.  It will take discipline.  It will suck to train for.

But there are so many reasons why I should do it. 

I keep those close to the heart.  I keep them deep inside so when I want to quit, I reach down for those reasons and I keep going.

241 miles of running.

1045 miles of riding.

39 miles of swimming.

49 weightlifting sessions.

77 Brazilian Jiu Jitsu classes.  Oh, Yeah.  I started taking Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.  It is an incredible workout.

That is what it is going to take to make this happen.  It all starts tomorrow.  I won't see the saddle of a bike until the first week of December, doctor's orders.  I won't see the pool until the first week of January.

When it is all said and done I should be at a race weight of around 230.  That would be sophmore in high school kind of weight and would put my total loss at 135 lbs in 16 months.

This will really put me into a good place.  I have 6 or 7 other triathlons that I have already picked out for next season, and my Tough Mudder. 

And the Jiu Jitsu thing, it takes 8-10 years to become a black belt, so that is a new part of my life. 

ian

Preparing the menu

So along with all these lofty athletic goals comes a better and healthier way to eat.  I have pretty healthy numbers according to my doctor, which is a lot better than they were back 2 years ago.

My numbers from my doctor: 

• Total cholesterol 192 (Under 200 is ideal)
• Triglycerides 80 (Under 150 is target)
• HDL cholesterol (good) 58 (Over 55 is ideal)
• LDL cholesterol (bad) 118 (between 100-129 is ideal)
• Glucose 86 (between 70-99 is target)
• AST liver enzyme 30 (8-48 is target)
• ALT liver enzyme 15 (7-55 is target)
• Potassium 4.9 (3.7-5.2 is target)

The levels are according to the Mayo clinic (google).

So to keep these numbers there I examined what I was eating.  while I had pretty much eliminated the crap from fast food, I still had hidden crap, like granola bars and fat free yogurt.  So I am changing up what we eat in our house for dinner to not that much fanfare.  The salmon went over well last night, but the wild rice and broccoli casserole (no cheese or butter) did not go as planned. 

Today it is baked chicken breasts, roasted tomato slices and black beans.  The black beans have jalapenos, onions and garlic in them, and it is my first attempt at beans of any kind, so needless to say this will be an adventure.

Cannot wait until bison chili on thursday.

Much to the dismay of my wife and daughter I am eliminating the processed, boxed food that they are so very used to.  And it is killing them on day 2.

ian

I think I just made myself sick

Haven't worked out in 2 weeks. Check.

Had surgery within those 2 weeks. Check.

Doctor told me to take it easy for a few weeks. Check.

Ignored what doctor told me. Check.

Feel like I am going to throw up after my workout this morning. Check.

I have to get back in a routine.  I have to fight past this.  I have to eat my eggs now.

ian

And so it begins...again

I am going to do it.  I am going to do things that months ago I thought were impossible.  I am going to go out and prove to myself that I can do it.  What is it?  I have a list...I have a plan.  Of course I have had so many plans in my life, so many, too many to count.  I sometimes shake my head and wonder what happened to all those plans.  But recently some of those plans have panned out.  Some of those plans have actually come to fruition, much to my disbelief. 

When i crossed the finish line of the Bridgeland Triathlon, I held in tears of joy, or accomplishment, or something like that.  I had taken my sunglasses off somewhere during the run that morning because the sweat was hitting the glass and it was irritating to look through.  But when I turned that corner and saw the end in sight, just hundreds of yards away, I had to put them back on because I had emotions swelling inside of me.  Joy.  Happiness.  Sense of pride.  call it what you want but it was a feeling that I thoroughly enjoyed.  I enjoyed it so much that I went to Disney World. 

When i passed the finish line in the Houston Triathlon, and actually passed people doing it, that joy was back. 

Now I have a plan.  I want to get better.  And then I had surgery.  The details suck, but I cannot ride a bike for the next 5 weeks, and I cannot start training until tomorrow morning.  And train I will.

I have a list of things I want to accomplish this next year.  I have 5 months to get ready.  The list needs to be put on paper, and it needs to be done.  Will I accomplish them, I think I will.  I think it will get me ready for 2014, which will get me ready for 2015.  If the Mayans are not correct, then the next few years will be huge.  I am going to cap 2015 with a full Ironman, 140.6 miles of pain, adreniline, joy and pride.  But I cannot get to the top of the ladder without the first rungs.  So here are the first rungs of 2013:

1. MS 150 - Houston to Austin bike ride that is not 150 miles, but actually about 178 miles.
2. Kemah Olympic Triathlon
3. Kona sprint triathlon
4. Bridgeland Sprint triathlon
5. Houston Olympic triathlon
6. Katy Triathlon
7. Pflugerville Triathlon
8. Houston Half Marathon
9. Monster Mash 15 k
10. Tough Mudder Houston

Tough Mudder looks to be the new triathlon in my sites next year.  It is a 10 mile obstacle course with ice water swims and electricity involved.  It looks fun.

But to get there I still have some things to acconmplish.  Here are the things that are going to get me to those goals:

1. 17 week training program for running.  This will get me to the 13.1 mile mark and get me ready to run.  I hate running, this starts tomorrow.
2. 17 week training program to develop core strength.  If the words planking bring to mind pictures of people laying on tables on the internet, then this is not for you.
3. December brings 25 mile bike rides twice a week.
4. January brings 35 mile bike rides twice a week.
5. February brings 40 mile bike rides twice a week.
6. March brings 50 mile bike rides once a week.
7. Swimming starts in March, regardless of water tempature.  Thousands and thousands of meters a week.
8. Run, run and run.
9. A new menu consisting of no more "health" foods.  Protein based, healthy menu.
10. Hutting my target weight of 220 lbs by March, 48 lbs to go.

This starts now.

ian

Well after 1 week...

I have dropped a few more lbs in the last week.  I am now down 93 lbs from the start of this journey.  I want to drop another 5-7 by the begginning of August.  I limped towards the finish line last week with training.  I did more swimming than I had planned and lost a lot of running due to a nagging calf injury.  I hit the gym today after a 25 mile bike ride.  It was my first road bike ride on a road bike.  I bought a new bike on Friday.  I purchased a Specialized Allez.  It is soooooo different than what I have been used to riding.  I had been riding a mountain bike that I had for years.  It served it's purpose.  So the bike ride today absolutely wore me out.  It is just such a different ride.  After the ride I came home, hit the gym and did my normal Chest/tricep/core workout.  Then I hit the pool and did a 1000 meters.  One of the highlights of the swim was an uninterupted 400 meter swim.  It is the longest swim I have done yet.  I still did my training laps but that was nice to get the triathlon distance out of the way.  My nutrional side has yet to fail.  Outside of a planned 4th of July event where I had a steak and some fixins, I have not had any meat since last Monday.  I had originally plannned on just cutting back, but now I ma off the meat until August 5.  That is the day of the Bridgeland Triathlon.  If I make it in, which my triathlon friend Brandon believes I will, then afterwards it is meat eating time.  If I am not in, it is meat eating time. 

So week two has begun.  Brandon was telling me that people just flat out dont show up to the triathlons.  They get cold feet.  They hurt themselves.  They forget.  Whatever the case he thinks there is a good chance that i am in the event.  I hope so.  I won't find out until the night before.  And that is all for today.  I have more swimming and light cardio tomorrow.  Ian

Happy 4th of July, day 3

I guess the easiest way to pass time on a stationary bike is to update this log. Swimming went well last night and I did it again this morning since I am not running for the next few days at least. I start with. 100 m freestyle to warm up. Then I do 2 200 m freestyle swims without touching the wall so I kind of have to do this loopy loop lap thing. Then I do 8 25 m arms only swims freestyle followed by 8 25 m sprints and capped off by a 100 m swim. So that is my km of swim. Now I am on. 15 minute bike ride on level 15 hill followed up by a 15 minute elliptical level 11 hill. Since it is Wednesday I have to do a back/bicep/core workout. Yeah! Today I planned on veering off the nutritional side since I have a steak waiting for me at a party that starts in an hour and a half. Other than that being a herbivore isn't that bad so far. God bless what is left of America! Ian

Day 2, July 3, 2012

Sitting here on a stationary bike listening to Coolio. I can think of no way to start my Tuesday. 20 minutes here, then 20 on the elliptical. Hill setting on both. I will hit the pool this evening for 1000 yards. I retweeked my calf yesterday running. I tweeked it last Wednesday am rested it for a few day but I think I hurried it. So I am going to change my cardio to non resistance or low resistance only. Stationary bike, elliptical, bike and swimming. The nutritional side went well yesterday. Started the day with a banana, 2 eggs, 1/4 of a cantaloupe and a glass of milk. Had 2 yogurts, an orange and an apple for lunch. Snacked on a banana and orange later. Ended the day with celery and peanut butter. All together a good mix up of food. Today should be similar but dinner will be bigger with salad and stuff since work ends at 6 today. Lovin it! Ian

Day 1, July 2, 2012

Hitting the gym this morning. Actually I am on the stationary bike right now. Doing a 15 minute ride on level 15 hill real quick. That will be followed up by 25 minutes on the treadmill at level 5.0 with zero incline. I will finish with the elliptical at level 11 hill for 15 minutes. Then my cardio will be done. That is the base for all my Monday, Wednesday and Friday workouts. Then I will go into a chest, tricep and core workout that will take about 40 minutes. I cycle the reps into 3 little sections. I will do bench, followed by one handed tricep pull downs followed by a side ab exercise. I will repeat it 3 times in that order gradually increasing the weight. Then I do the same with incline, rope tricep and shoulder shrugs. Then the final section of chest flys, front plank (core) and side plank (core). Then it will be done for the day. Of course then I get to go home and eat 2 eggs, 1/4 of a cantaloupe and a large glass of milk. It is going to be great. Only 3 minutes left on the treadmill left. A nice bone thugs and harmony song playing on pandora. Nice. Ian

1000 miles from nowhere...

I just crossed over the 1000 mile mark on my personal odometer today.  It happened somewhere in the middle of my 2 mile run today.  That is 1000 miles on the treadmill, stationary bike, eliptical machine, running track, the trail in George Bush Park and the streets of Cypress.  1000 miles of exercise, countless calories burned, countless mindless thoughts brought into my head and enough Pandora to make your head spin.  January 20 i started to track my miles, actually, January 20 I started to actually do cardio workouts.  Here is to the next 1000 miles.  Ian

Wednesday Night

I have planned my next 2 1/2 weeks of training.  I must say that it really kicks off on Monday July 2.  My nutrional side of training goes into affect, or effect, whatever, on that day.  I am moving to a more organic nutritional spread.  My goal is to allow for at least 50% (aiming for 60%) of my caloric intake to be fresh fruit and vegatables.  The fruit is easy.  I can snack on apples and bananas and grapes all day, vegatables is going to be harder.  I will probably start out with carrots and celery, but I want to get to brocoli and other vitamin rich foods.  This will be strange.  Over the last 6 months of really changing my eating habits I have not restricted myself to what I can and cannot eat, just how much I can eat. 

I don't want to call this a diet.  I have been successful with portioning.  I have lost 64 lbs since January 20.  I lost an additional 23 lbs from October until january 20.  But that was with wishy washy dieting.  I actually lost about 35 lbs by mid december but put back 12 by January 20. 

So healthy eating is the next phase of this lifestyle change.

As for the training, it is becoming second nature and I am not skipping a beat in that.  I did nearly a kilometer in the pool today.  So that was a personal best.  I have to end this week of training through Saturday so I can start on the true triathlon training that I need to do.  I am stepping up my time in the pool and the treadmill, and on July 8 I am trying my first test of biking the triathlon distance and then putting the bike up and running the triathlon distance.  July 11 I will do the same.  I will then come home after both of those trials and hit the pool with my swim program that I outlined in an earlier post.  That, combined with the weights should really give me a good idea of what I have gotten myself into.  The outdoor heat will also be good for me. 

Ian

Training and Nutrition

Ahhhhhh...Training and nutrition...don't they just sound fun?  I have outlined the next 2 weeks of training to truly emphasize what I am trying to accomplish, whether that is on 8/4 or on 9/30.  I have to train and get ready in case my number is drawn on the first Saturday of August. 

I have outlined a new swimming program as that is probably my weakest area right now.  I have 2 of these to do this week and then I will be doing them 3 times a week for the first 3 weeks of July.  The week of July 22 I will switch to a different swimming regiment.  I have never done open water swimming, and I have an insane fear of fresh water.  Actually my fear of water includes oceans, lakes, ponds, rivers, streams, tap and anything that is not bottled, in a bath tub or a pool.  So this is going to be interesting when my foot first touches that lake and that crud goes between my toes.  I am freaking out about it right now...But back to training. 

My pool that I swim in is 20 meters long in the lap zone.  This makes for a lot of laps.  Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday I will do my swimming weather permitted.  I will always have Sunday as a make up day as well.

• Warm Up 7 laps (140 meters)
• Distance 10 consecutive laps twice (200 meters x 2)
• Drill 7 speed laps (20 meters x 7)
• Sprint 5 laps with only arms (20 meters x 5) 
• Cool Down 5 consecutive laps (100 meters)

I just got me some Nike Jammers, the tightest swim trunks I have ever owned and some goggles.  I read somewhere that swimming with thte regular trunks I have been swimming in is like runing with a parachute.  We will see.  Off to the pool I go.  Ian

2 miles

I accomplished the 2 mile run this morning.  That is now the single longest stretch of running that I have ever done.  It was at about a 12 minute mile pace, which i can live with.  I always participated in organized sports growing up.  I played 13 years of Soccer, 4 years of football and 3 years of baseball.  I never ran continuously in any of those.  Maybe a half mile at most.  Last September i was trying to jog but my big fat self was too heavy to be supported by my knees.  anyways the longest I made it was a 1/4 mile without stopping.  Years ago I would run 1 minute, walk 2 and repeat.  This was the first time I made it 2 miles and that is pretty awesome.  I have to make it to 3.1 miles by August 4, and I think that it is in the bag.  I am going to try to run a trial run of 3 miles by the end of next week and continue to just workout at a 2 mile a day pace.  I have to get back on the bike as well.  I think this Tuesday or Wednesday will be the next bike ride for me.  I am going to see about doing 300 meters tomorrow without stopping so that should be fun.  Ian

Waiting list!!!

I made the waiting list for a triathlon on August 5. Of course I have to train for it as if I am in it, but I won't know if I am in it until the night before. If I don't make it in this one at least I will have done some great training over the next 6 weeks. It is also the day before we leave for Disney World. Should be fun! On a complete side note, I am not a John Lennon fan. But I saw this and it just makes sense. Well I will post it later as my iPhone will not let me post pictures to this page. Ian

Houston Triathlon September 30...

I had this plan to start triathlons next summer. I plan on riding in the MS150 next April and figured I would start the tri thing at the Tejas Triathlon in Sugarland next June. That did not go as planned. I just registered for one on September 30. 104 days to train now. I am not ready yet. I need to work on my swimming and running. The bike I have down. I am getting a new bike in late August. I have a plan for the running. I have a plan to gradually increase the time and speed that I run on a treadmill. The last 2 weeks before the event I will start running on the street and will probably start running the event course a well. This is going to be extremely interesting. Kennedy does not expecte to win, but she wants a top 10 finish. I will be participating in the Clydesdale level, which is men over 200 lbs. if everything goes to plan, big IF, I am targeting a race time weight of about 240. 29 lbs to get there and with the insane amount of cardio I will be doing over the next 104 days I think I will get there. Wish me luck. Ian

I probably should not type on an iphone

Lot's of errors in that last entry.  That is what you get for typing on an iphone.  I am heading to the gym.  I am going to run the treadmill for about 20 minutes, the eliptical for 20 minutes and the stationary bike for 20 minutes.  That will be a nice hour.  I have to go swimming as well.  It is a chest tricep workout date as well.  I am going to weigh in after all that.  Time to get back on schedule and start traing for what might be my first little triathalon.

Well crap, it has been too long...

I am sitting here, no I am lying here in bed alone listening to the damn cricket outside my window that has drive my wife out of bed and into the living room. It is just chirping away. My wife can't fall asleep with it going on like that which keeps me up listening to her whine about the damn cricket. Now I get to stretch out in bed and ponder on why it has been damn near 3 years since I have wrote in this blog. Not that anyone has missed my misguide attempt to become the next Pulitzer Prize winning author or anything, but it is a great outlet for my thoughts and ideas and prayers and life. A lot has happened in the last 3 years. Three years ago I thought it would be cute to write stories of my past and had this idea that I would be able to put it all on paper and someone would publish it and I would be a star. That is just silly. I graduated from the University of Houston a few years ago and that was a huge deal. I think I stopped posting right about then. So let me summarize. I have had extreme highs since then and the lowest of lows as well. I am writing on fathers day as this is part of the extreme highs. I have a wonderful life right now. A wonderful family. A great spiritual contact with my god. It took the lowest of the lows to get here. So where do I start? January 2010 and I take a position with a new home builder here in Houston. I am still helping with a roofing company that I was with. I am no longer getting paid to roof as I have a nice salary and commission structure at my new job. I am making crazy money and I feel like I should be happy. I am not. I am one of the top 3 salesmen out of about 40 in Houston. I still feel an emptiness. I have been sober for about 4 years when my wife calls me to let me know we are having a baby. That emptiness fills up quickly. I am not scared. I am not worried. Life is good. End act 1... A couple of months later we toto the doctor for her visit. It was a fine October day in Houston. Mid 80's for a high. That cold northern air creeping in at night and leaving a wonderful fresh air smell. I can still recall the look on her face as the doctor is telling us things in doctor talk. I don't speak doctor. All I know is that they give worst case scenarios, and hope for the best. We arrive at a specialist's office. It is a different place and a few weeks later so a the tests can be ran. The first words out of the specialist's mouth is, "your son...oh wait did you want to know the sex?". Those words will never leave my mind. I cannot explain to you the joy in my heart. The be t words. Ironed into my psyche like a hot brand. He has down syndrome. Ok. What does that man for us? Terror has taken the place of the joy I felt only moments ago. I cannot remember much after that. I returned to work. I will work and ignore it and the whole situation will fix itself. We did everything we could the next few weeks to figure out what the hell down syndrome was and how were we goi g to deal with this situation for the rest of our lives. And then I get a call from some guy in Florida saying I owe his company over $40000. What the hell is that about? Apparently I am still a consigner on a line of. Refit with the roofing company I was involved with. My old roofing buddy ran up a tab with a supply house that he could not pay. What is going on? Just a few months ago everything was right. How could it get worse? Well, don't ask that. A little after 7 months of pregnancy we go into a routine check up for Ethan. We are going to name our son Ethan. I wanted to name home after me but not exactly after me. Teachers and classmates can all pronounce Ethan and not but her it like the name Ian. I still remember sitting I the Libby watching some crap like Ellen on tv on that chilly February afternoon. That nurse just doesn't look right and she is coming to get me? The doctor sat us down and explained that Ethan's heart was no longer beating. He was gone. This is just not fair. What did we do to get our hearts tugged like this? We had done everything to prepare ourselves for Ethan. We had joined support groups and local orginizations to help us with everything that we could expect to go through. Just last week we had seen his heart beat on the sonogram at the hospital. We had pictures of sonograms and 3d pictures and heartbeat wave music files and he was you g to be my special little guy. I might have stoically stood there to support my wife over the next few days. Terrible days that she had to carry our dead son inside her and live with that torment. I stood by for weeks and months. I froze. I shutdown on the inside. For the first time in a long time I was hopelessly lost and could not find direction. Work suffered. I quit. I ran back tithe car business half heartedly and was quickly removed from that as well. I sat in my putty pot and let my wife sit in hers. I lost all hope. I sat unemployed for months. We lived off the good fortunes of great paychecks from the year with the homebuilder. It was running out. The debt from the roofing company and the hopeless state I was in dropped me down a few pegs. I finally got a new job. I would be making about a third of what I was making the previous year, but it was work. It was also in my field of study from UH. The overall financial burden led us to bankruptcy and the foreclosure of our home and the surrendering of my Escalade, just remnants of my past. Material items that can be replaced. Shoot, i paid our bancruptcy attorney with the proceeds from the sale of my first Rolex. Ethan could not be replaced. I trudged along down my road of happy destiny. I knew that there was a lesson to be learned from all this, I just could not see it yet. So it had been about 7 months since Ethan left us. The dreams we had for him will never leave us. I was coming around at my. Ew job and was realizing that I was good at what I was hired for. My wife got her job back with her old boss she was forced to leave because of the nature of her pregnancy and every once in a while someone would ask her how her baby was, and every once in awhile she would break down. I had let myself go on all levels. I was spiritually, emotionally and physically bancrupt. I was a mess. I stepped on a scale and the number that read back to me was staggering. 356. What happened? I had just picked up a five year chip for my sobriety and my life was damn near as bad as when I started. I had to do something. I have had a cosmic change you could say. I slapped my face and told myself to get up and start moving. God is not out to get you. He has given you a set of experiences that may seem unique, but since they have a name someone has already experienced them before. Maybe not in such rapid order, but they have experienced them none the less. I came out of my shell that I went and hid in. I started walking, biki g, lifting, jogging and swimming. I started to talk about my experiences. In my recovery I hear a lot of sob stories about people having a bad day or a bad week and try to back out. I had a fucking bad year. I stayed sober. So can you. I would not feel sorry for these people, I would instead tell them to get the fuck over it and turn it to god. Stop playing the victim. I changed everything about everything. I have good habits now. I have life back. Every time I go tithe gym and workout or hit the trail and ride or go jogging and it gets to that point where I want to stop and quit, I put this image in my mind. I imagine a young Ethan cheering me on through my struggles giving me unconditional love. I imagine what he would sound like and what he would say to me about my struggles. This is what gets me up at 4:50 in the morning when all I want to do is sleep. I want to so dearly meet him. I want to make him proud of my accomplishments. I get the awesome experience of Kennedy, my daughter. She is my livi g motivation. She heads to the gym with me and shows me what she can do. Every time I can she goes swim Ing and tries to keep up with me. She wants me to be happy again, and she makes that happen. She has had it hard with this all as well, and I hate to see her hurt. I know that there will be more pain for her from best friends and boyfriends, and she will not always run to me for help, but for now she does Nd she is my living motivation. On a different note I have lost 87 of those 356 pounds. For you at home counting that brings me down to 269. I weighed in at 272 in September of 1995 before the football season that year. I got down to about 250 by graduation in 96. Back York 300 my freshman year in college And back down to 220 my sophomore year. I have flex Ed between 290 and 330 for the last 7 or 8 years and peaked at 356 in October of 2011. I got fat. 56 inch waist. 21 inch neck. 58 long suit coat. Big and tall stores. I bought clothes from a normal department store for the first time in over 10 years last week. That was awesome. I need to get to around 230 and I will be happy. I am going to blog about that journey from here on out. I want to share my journey. I want to make Kennedy and Ethan proud of their dad. I want to be their role model and example. I love my daughter and am so proud of what she has become, and I miss the joys that should have been with Ethan. Life is not always fair. So with that my first step has been taken to run in the Bridgeland TriathLon on August 5 of this year. I am on the waiting list so hopefully I will be selected to participate. If not I will be run ing one on September 30 in Houston. I will be training over the next 6 weeks for this event as I will not know if I am in it until August 4. I am doi g this to make Kennedy proud of her father and for what Ethan was never given a chance to do. Wish me luck. Ian