3 years and 6 days ago I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. Outside of the program I know no one that has 3 years of sobriety. So many people have helped me through it and I am grateful to them all.
I have much work to still do. I make ammends daily with my actions. My wife and daughter do not have to live with a drunk addict anymore. The addict part I still have problems coming to terms with.
See, that part is hard. I saw my uncles and others that were drunk addicts working the kitchen at waffle house living in their parents basements. That is what addicts did. They go to prison. I had a house, cars and stuff. O fcourse I was always 1 paycheck away from bankruptcy.
I have alot of amends to make. I was a bad son and a horrible brother. It was always about me. This year is the 4th year and many people say that the years follow the steps. Year one you become aware of your powerlessness over the next drink or drug. Year two you find your god of your understanding. Year three you learn to use that god.
I was raised religeously, but I am far from being relegious. I cannot spell religieouus. I am going to stop trying. I am horrible at praying, but I pray for others all the time and not for myself anymore. The thinker in me dismisses the god concept, the eternal optimist embraces it. But someone is looking out for me always...2 things I know about god...he exists...and I am no longer him.
I have much work to still do. I make ammends daily with my actions. My wife and daughter do not have to live with a drunk addict anymore. The addict part I still have problems coming to terms with.
See, that part is hard. I saw my uncles and others that were drunk addicts working the kitchen at waffle house living in their parents basements. That is what addicts did. They go to prison. I had a house, cars and stuff. O fcourse I was always 1 paycheck away from bankruptcy.
I have alot of amends to make. I was a bad son and a horrible brother. It was always about me. This year is the 4th year and many people say that the years follow the steps. Year one you become aware of your powerlessness over the next drink or drug. Year two you find your god of your understanding. Year three you learn to use that god.
I was raised religeously, but I am far from being relegious. I cannot spell religieouus. I am going to stop trying. I am horrible at praying, but I pray for others all the time and not for myself anymore. The thinker in me dismisses the god concept, the eternal optimist embraces it. But someone is looking out for me always...2 things I know about god...he exists...and I am no longer him.
well the 4th year is cleaning up the wreckage of your past. Taking a complete and moral inventory of your actions that got you here and finding the reasons and no thte excuses of why this happened. I am looking forward to this year.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I don't know how much you read these days but i have two books for you.
ReplyDeleteThere are a lot of similarities between 12 step programs and the Rule of Benedict's 12 rungs of the ladder of humility. It's one of the places where my monastery and AA overlap (euler diagrams again). Many oblates are recovering alcoholics who found their way to Benedictine thought/spirituality via AA (somehow, I don't know the journey offhand, just the many discussions that seem to come up at the monastery). This isn't to proselytize in any way. So not. But they might be worth a look and I can put them in the mail Friday. PErhaps I just will and leave it at that.
I found it to be a way to get to God without having to think my way there, because I always thought my way out of it.